Bennett's Five Links #076
Discover more from Bennett’s Five Links
Bennett's Five Links #076
Blasko, Bloodninja, Handey and Ho-mygodthisissoboring
--
Micky Mouse has grown up a cow ..
--
Put on my robe and wizard hat ..
Recently I had reason to reason to reference the excellent but apparently now obscure meme, ‘I put on my robe and wizard’s hat’. And the Gen Z cooler-than-cool kid I was speaking to gave me a blank look.
It got me thinking, ‘Am I out of touch?’
Anyways - below is the original content I was referencing. This made me laugh and laugh when I first read it. It refers to cybersex, so it’s a little bit NSFW. Oh, sorry, Gen Zygote, cybersex was like sending nudes but on dial-up 56k modems.
bloodninja: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?
BritneySpears14: Aight.
bloodninja: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.
BritneySpears14: I slip out of my pants, just for you, bloodninja.
bloodninja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress up.
bloodninja: Me too baby.
BritneySpears14: I kiss you softly on your chest.
bloodninja: I cast Lvl. 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.
BritneySpears14: Hey…
bloodninja: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl. 8 Cock of the Infinite.
BritneySpears14: Funny I still don't see it.
bloodninja: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty F*ck of the Beyondness.
BritneySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous.
bloodninja: Don't f*ck with me bitch, I'm the mightiest sorcerer of the lands.
bloodninja: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl. 1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl. 2 Druid.
BritneySpears14: Don't ever message me again you piece of ****.
bloodninja: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal.
bloodninja: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik's evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.
bloodninja: You still there baby? I think it's getting hard now.
bloodninja: Baby?
I Put on My Robe and Wizard’s Hat | Know Your Meme
--
Handey thoughts ..
Another thing that used to make me laugh back in the very early days of the internet was this compendium of Jack Handey Quotes.
It has funnies like —
I wish I had a Kryptonite cross, because then you could keep both Dracula AND Superman away.
and
One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. "Oh, no," I said. "Disneyland burned down."
He cried and cried, but I think that deep down, he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late.
--
What’s the DEAL with insurrection?!
--
Ask me about my favourite Russian joke ..
A guy named Dan Ackerman has hit Apple and others with a lawsuit alleging the Apple-exclusive movie Tetris rips off his book ‘the Tetris Effect’ (affiliate link, because why not).
Those of you that have seen the movie might find this news ironic, given the movie is all about infringement of intellectual property in the cold war era.
Those of you that haven’t seen the movie might think, oh wow, intellectual property in the cold war era, sounds exciting and fast-paced and I might watch it this weekend.
But no. Save yourself two long boobless hours. Intellectual property licensing deals are about as dull as you can get - and even this movie with Taron Egerton and Rush and that addictive Tetris music playing in the background still can’t make it fun.
Also, Dan Ackerman has historic beef with Apple, given that he is the editor in chief of Gizmodo, a publication treated as persona-non-grata by our favourite fruit company after they bought (for $5k!) and published their famous stories on the prototype-iPhone-left-behind-at-the-bar-incident.
Gizmodo editor-in-chief sues Apple, alleging ‘Tetris’ movie on TV+ rips off his book
--
If you enjoyed any of these links, the best way you can help me is by forwarding this email on to a friend. They can browse past issues and subscribe at this link.
Bennett